This morning my love was already at the mesh when I arose, her nose pressed through, her gentle mewing summoning me to her.
I spent some seconds, or was it minutes, or could it be hours immersed in her limpid blue eyes. Sheer bliss.
...
How cruel is fate, how scuppering of feline hopes, how dashing, how heartless.
Footsteps I heard, one set slow and measured, one set scampering and prancing. A familiar voice wrenched me back to reality. Now? Of all times, now?
...
As the car pulled out of the catprisonery, I looked back yearningly through the rear window. My love, my love...
Saturday, 31 May 2014
Friday, 30 May 2014
Well, hello
Things are looking up. A rather nice Siamese has moved in to the cell next door. She's called Fifi La Rue Trixibelle and we've had a little sniff through the wire. She is exquisite!
I must say that I'm feeling a bit of a stirring. Which is strange, because I am not sure how much I have left to have a stirring in.
Whatever.
No longer counting the days until the return of the Chief Minion now I have my Fifi near me...
I must say that I'm feeling a bit of a stirring. Which is strange, because I am not sure how much I have left to have a stirring in.
Whatever.
No longer counting the days until the return of the Chief Minion now I have my Fifi near me...
Thursday, 29 May 2014
Another mark on the wall
Broke a claw this morning as I scratched another tally mark on the wall. She can't stay away much longer, surely? I refuse to believe this is my new life now. She will be back soon, with fusses and Dreamies and abject apologies for absence.
Won't she?
Won't she?
Wednesday, 28 May 2014
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
Twit
Last night I could hardly sleep. I would like to point out that, contrary to popular understanding, cats are not nocturnal. We are crepuscular. This means that some idiot bird perching on my accommodation and twit-twooing all night is not welcome. Doesn't he realise that I need my sleep?
I heard the Minion talking about a nowl which made noise in the night. Well, let me tell you - if that nowl comes back tonight I'll give him something to think about. It's not natural to hear that kind of thing while one is trying to sleep. Everyone knows that one is soothed to sleep by the dulcet chiming of those dangly metal things on next door's fence...
I heard the Minion talking about a nowl which made noise in the night. Well, let me tell you - if that nowl comes back tonight I'll give him something to think about. It's not natural to hear that kind of thing while one is trying to sleep. Everyone knows that one is soothed to sleep by the dulcet chiming of those dangly metal things on next door's fence...
Monday, 26 May 2014
Yellow card
Today a Minion brought me a rectangle of cardboard. Upon its face was an image of what appears to be the largest litter tray in existence, although the Minion referred to it as a beach. There was a faint smell of the Chief Minion upon it, so she must have handled it at some point.
Why on earth she would send me such a thing, I have no idea. I have studied it, propped up in the corner of my exercise yard. The card propped up, not me. I can certainly see the great potential it contains for much digging, evacuation and half-hearted attempts at covering up. However, a chap needs a spot of privacy when going about his business, and this enormous litter tray would afford none of this. Whatever can she have been thinking?
Why on earth she would send me such a thing, I have no idea. I have studied it, propped up in the corner of my exercise yard. The card propped up, not me. I can certainly see the great potential it contains for much digging, evacuation and half-hearted attempts at covering up. However, a chap needs a spot of privacy when going about his business, and this enormous litter tray would afford none of this. Whatever can she have been thinking?
Sunday, 25 May 2014
Cold Turkey
I recall on my previous visit to this establishment that the sacred Dreamies were issued with regularity and punctuality. In an entirely outrageous step, the Chief Minion has stopped providing them at home. I had great hopes that the silver lining of my stay here would be resumption of supply.
However, this has not been forthcoming. I can only assume that the Minions here have been briefed by the Chief Minion. My attempts to elicit sympathy and deliciousness have thus far failed - at the approach of the Minion I have been sucking in the frill and trying to look as emaciated as possible. Today she called me a 'corpulent fellow' as she tickled me behind my ears. I'm not sure what that means but I feel it can only be a good sign and those Dreamies can't be far away...
However, this has not been forthcoming. I can only assume that the Minions here have been briefed by the Chief Minion. My attempts to elicit sympathy and deliciousness have thus far failed - at the approach of the Minion I have been sucking in the frill and trying to look as emaciated as possible. Today she called me a 'corpulent fellow' as she tickled me behind my ears. I'm not sure what that means but I feel it can only be a good sign and those Dreamies can't be far away...
Saturday, 24 May 2014
Crevices
Notwithstanding my extreme lassitude after my exertions of yesterday, I have spent most of the morning trying to coax caked-on dirt out of the frill. Consider the tunnel to victory plan abandoned.
Friday, 23 May 2014
Nonchalant whistling
Last night I resolved to break out of here. I just can't take it any more.
This morning, after breakfasting as mightily as I could, I took a brief three hour nap to build up my strength. Thus fortified, I examined my options. The loose floorboard at the rear of my cabin seemed the best; I prised it with the slashers and set to.
Soon a pile of dirt mounted up at my paws. What to do with it? I puzzled over it for a moment, but then the obvious answer occurred - I would dig another hole in which to hide it.
Several hidey holes later, I abandoned this idea.
After a regrouping snooze, I had the answer. Secreting the dirt under what the Chief Minion refers to as the fat frill but what is in fact merely a natural part of my stunning physique, I strolled out into the exercise yard and allowed it drop here and there. A few trips in and out, and the dirt was gone.
I'm too tired to dig any more now. Maybe a refreshing kip first?
This morning, after breakfasting as mightily as I could, I took a brief three hour nap to build up my strength. Thus fortified, I examined my options. The loose floorboard at the rear of my cabin seemed the best; I prised it with the slashers and set to.
Soon a pile of dirt mounted up at my paws. What to do with it? I puzzled over it for a moment, but then the obvious answer occurred - I would dig another hole in which to hide it.
Several hidey holes later, I abandoned this idea.
After a regrouping snooze, I had the answer. Secreting the dirt under what the Chief Minion refers to as the fat frill but what is in fact merely a natural part of my stunning physique, I strolled out into the exercise yard and allowed it drop here and there. A few trips in and out, and the dirt was gone.
I'm too tired to dig any more now. Maybe a refreshing kip first?
Thursday, 22 May 2014
Solitary solitude
Tabby has reluctantly gone home with his Minions. It was quite affecting to see them fawn over him as he sat aloof and unmoving.
It's been quiet today, perhaps too quiet. After some serious indoor snoozing, I moved out to the sunny patch to give the undercarriage an airing while I napped lightly. While it was most acceptable to sleep undisturbed, I must admit that the lack of conversation is rather stultifying.
The chickens must have gone to a chicken hotel. At least they are all together and won't lack company. I wonder what Jazzer's up to right now...
It's been quiet today, perhaps too quiet. After some serious indoor snoozing, I moved out to the sunny patch to give the undercarriage an airing while I napped lightly. While it was most acceptable to sleep undisturbed, I must admit that the lack of conversation is rather stultifying.
The chickens must have gone to a chicken hotel. At least they are all together and won't lack company. I wonder what Jazzer's up to right now...
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
I am all astonishment
It would appear that in these parts, the Ginger is not venerated as a deity. This is entirely incomprehensible.
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
My mistake - it's a hotel
Apparently.
Tabby has been filling me in. His Minions left him here last week having tricked him into his basket. He feels quite sorry for them, as they will clearly be pining terribly for him. They send him here every year for the good of his health, so he reckons.
Not sure how many paws I'll give this establishment - while the accommodation is comfortable and there's a jolly nice sunny patch outside for when I'm tired of snoozing inside, there are no hot and cold running mice and the room service menu is abysmal.
Tabby has been filling me in. His Minions left him here last week having tricked him into his basket. He feels quite sorry for them, as they will clearly be pining terribly for him. They send him here every year for the good of his health, so he reckons.
Not sure how many paws I'll give this establishment - while the accommodation is comfortable and there's a jolly nice sunny patch outside for when I'm tired of snoozing inside, there are no hot and cold running mice and the room service menu is abysmal.
Monday, 19 May 2014
First full day of captivity
Repeated requests for a lawyer have been met with head rubs and chin tickles. I have a feeling that I'm not being taken seriously.
My cell is much smaller than my normal residence but comfortable in its way. The Chief Minion seems to have forgotten her jumper so I am curling up with it when I sleep to ensure that the light coating of my hairs remains upon it.
There is a disreputable-looking tabby in the cell next to mine. I've not spoken to him much - one doesn't like to associate. There appear to be others incarcerated in another cell block across the way. I try to ignore the noise.
On the plus side, I don't have to put up with that pesky little Jazzer. I wonder if he's pining for me...
My cell is much smaller than my normal residence but comfortable in its way. The Chief Minion seems to have forgotten her jumper so I am curling up with it when I sleep to ensure that the light coating of my hairs remains upon it.
There is a disreputable-looking tabby in the cell next to mine. I've not spoken to him much - one doesn't like to associate. There appear to be others incarcerated in another cell block across the way. I try to ignore the noise.
On the plus side, I don't have to put up with that pesky little Jazzer. I wonder if he's pining for me...
Sunday, 18 May 2014
How I laughed
as the Chief Minion scrambled about the garden rounding the chickens up into their baskets. Poor foolish creatures, they were easily contained. I, on the other hand, am too experienced, too wily, too astute to be coerced in such a fashion.
...
She surprised me. It was completely unfair. She came up on my blind side while I was napping. I barely had time to perform the all-four-legs-locked-out-you'll-never-get-me-in-there manoeuvre. I do sincerely hope that we're not going to the V-E-T again. I hate all that messing about at the rear. So undignified. She'll pay for this, you mark my words. Not sure yet if it'll be the wallpaper or the sofa, but she'll regret it, oh yes.
...
I have been incarcerated outrageously. I demand to be allowed an open prison, and day release. There's not even any wallpaper in here on which to vent my displeasure.
...
She surprised me. It was completely unfair. She came up on my blind side while I was napping. I barely had time to perform the all-four-legs-locked-out-you'll-never-get-me-in-there manoeuvre. I do sincerely hope that we're not going to the V-E-T again. I hate all that messing about at the rear. So undignified. She'll pay for this, you mark my words. Not sure yet if it'll be the wallpaper or the sofa, but she'll regret it, oh yes.
...
I have been incarcerated outrageously. I demand to be allowed an open prison, and day release. There's not even any wallpaper in here on which to vent my displeasure.
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